Triggers

We have been going to our next door neighbors on Christmas Eve for  years on and off.  They have a large local family and I think they feel sorry for us.  We go for a couple hours and chat up the grands and great grands, eat, then go home and prep for the next day.

Tonight we took the two girls over.  We had fun. They had dinner and a game of Go Fish.  Josie tried to cheat as usual.


It happened when we left.  One of the Mom's grabbed Josie and put her on her lap and hugged her and kissed her goodbye - and held on teasing her a bit.  Perfectly natural, and Josie was laughing.  But as we left it hit her and she started to cry.  I carried her home and we talked.

She was afraid.  Afraid that new mom would keep her and she would not go home again with us.

She has been ours for two years.  But she remembers.

We got it from JJ tonight - Christmas was wonderful but of course stressful.  All the excitement and exhaustion took it's toll - and JJ tried a control tactic we have not seen in months and months.  Failure of the tactic lead to a big meltdown.  Fortunately it does no take as long to help her calm down now.

JJ was only 19 months.  She does not really remember - but in her heart she knows that scary things can happen and you need to be in control.

My new definition of brave . . .

Josie's maternal malnutrition finally caught up with her.  She had a nice big cavity in one molar and a tiny one on the other side.  We watched it anxiously the whole time she was in the hospital because she has soft enamel and any cavities will spread quickly, but first things first.

Her big cavity was indeed hurting her, and we were finally able to get x-rays and schedule her repair for today.  She needed on side capped and one side filled.

Here is the hard part.  Her pulmonary hypertension means no sedation at all outside a hospital.  So we crossed our fingers and brought her in for our best try because no one wants to go right back in hospital, even for just dental work.

Josie got her mouth numbed and then they placed the mouth vise and dam and started.  She yelled.  She cried.  And she held still well enough to get the big tooth cleaned up and a nice silver cap.

The dentist gave her a break and we  and let her sit and cry and talk for a while.  We told her we needed to finish the other side so we didn't have to come back and start over

When the dentist came back and it was time to start again Josie got off my lap and CRAWLED INTO THE DENTAL CHAIR ON HER OWN.

I have never been in more awe of a five year old.  Ever.

We got the second half done with some more crying and tears.  But it is done.

And I have a new appreciation for what brave can mean.

The heart against a thorn

I stole this from another blog. 
The author is unknown.
Of course it first brings to mind little Josie and her happy spirit in spite of her medical situation.
But really, I think it is for our whole family in this season of adjustment.

Once I heard a song of sweetness,
As it cleft the morning air,
Sounding in its blest completeness,
... Like a tender, pleading prayer;
And I sought to find the singer,
Whence the wondrous song was borne;
And I found a bird, sore wounded,
Pinioned by a cruel thorn.

I have seen a soul in sadness,
While its wings with pain were furl'd,
Giving hope, and cheer and gladness
That should bless a weeping world
And I knew that life of sweetness
Was of pain and sorrow borne,
And a stricken soul was singing,
With its heart against a thorn.

Ye are told of One who loved you,
Of a Saviour crucified,
Ye are told of nails that pinioned,
And a spear that pierced His side;
Ye are told of cruel scourging,
Of a Saviour bearing scorn,
And He died for your salvation,
With His brow against a thorn.

Ye "are not above the Master."
Will you breathe a sweet refrain?
And His grace will be sufficient,
When your heart is pierced with pain.
Will you live to bless His loved ones,
Tho' your life be bruised and torn,
Like the bird that sang so sweetly,
With its heart against a thorn?